- One. Give no advice.
- Two. Do not criticize.
- Three. Do not entertain (cheer up) the person.
Your task is to comfort by being empathetic. Try to imagine how the person is feeling by saying “how are you” and listening to the response.
If they are scared, remember how that feels, and say that you truly understand. Almost all of us can remember how it feels to be scared.
If they are anxious, let them express their fears, then say, “I know how hard this is for you. I am just glad I am here.”
If they are angry, as fearful people often are, refuse to join with their blaming and complaining. Simply acknowledge their frustration.
If they turn on you, say, “Stop. Please do not be disrespectful. I am doing the best I can.”
Dealing with sadness is a big challenge. Do not tell people they will get over it or that time heals. Instead, say, “Loss is so painful. I am thinking of you—or praying for you.”
Touch people you are attempting to comfort. Hold a hand, soothe a brow, hug and hold is if the person is comfortable with that.
Finally, comfort yourself. Sadness and all other feelings are catching—an emotional virus. So be good to yourself, and calm and manage your emotions.


