[BLOG POST] Effective Way of Communicating

by toliverio@90,

Over the years before my car accident, I didn’t have a good tolerance for certain issues unless it was everything that came with having a job. In my personal life, I would get upset easily. I never really liked talking about what the problem was before it got out of control.

People that know me know that I like to talk alot!! Talking alot and actually talking about what you are feeling are two different things.

I really would never get to the point of what was bothering me. I would ramble on about something to avoid talking about the problem. My counselor has helped me learning how to get to the point quicker in a conversation. Sometimes I do still ramble on. Eventually I do get to the point.

Also, I have learned over time that it is best to talk about things so that way you don’t have all the feelings built up then you explode. It isn’t healthy not talking about things you want to avoid talking about.

I completely understand if there are certain things you want to steer clear of and you know it’s not good for you to talk about. The point is to talk about what is bothering you so that is no built up anger with others. Hopefully, the other person on the receiving end will understand.

You just need to be prepared that it isn’t going to go well. The best thing that can come from you being open is that you are to affectively talk about your feelings in a good manner. Don’t forget to be proud of yourself when you are able too!!

Source

[TED Talk] Understanding PTSD’s Effects on Brain, Body, and Emotions | Janet Seahorn | TEDxCSU – YouTube

PTSD disrupts the lives of average individuals as well as combat veterans who have served their country. The person experiencing the trauma often then impacts the lives of his/her family, friends, and workplaces. PTSD does not distinguish between race, age or gender and often goes undiagnosed. Even with proper diagnosis, many individuals do not know where to turn to get help. Society needs to understand the aftermath of trauma especially combat trauma and how to prepare for warriors when they return home. Janet Seahorn, Ph.D has been a teacher, administrator, and consultant for over thirty years. She currently teaches a variety of classes on neuroscience and literacy as an adjunct professor for Colorado State University in Fort Collins, CO. Jan has a Ph.D in Human Development and Organizational Systems. Her background includes an in-depth understanding of human development and neuroscience research as well as effective practices in organizational systems and change. She conducts workshops on the neuroscience of learning and memory, the effects of “at-risk” environments (i.e., poverty), brain development, and researched-based instructional practices. Jan has worked with many organizations in the business and educational communities in creating and sustaining healthy, dynamic environments. Dr. Seahorn has researched and studied the effects of trauma on the brain and how excessive or extreme trauma can impact changes in the brain’s neuro network and how that change impacts behaviors in s This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

via Understanding PTSD’s Effects on Brain, Body, and Emotions | Janet Seahorn | TEDxCSU – YouTube

[BLOG POST] Breakdown of relationships after a brain injury

By Michelle Munt, 21 August 2019

If we have been fortunate enough to grow up in a supportive community, we often think that those who care about us will be there in a crisis. Sounds reasonable, right? Your next of kin get that dreadful phone call alerting them to your accident and which hospital they will find you in. They rush to your bedside with a concerned expression etched on their face as they are told you have a brain injury…

Fast forward to when you are home: your relationship with them isn’t so rosy any more. It feels like they are being short with you and always stressing out until they start ghosting you, leaving you feeling abandoned in your time of need.

Most brain injury survivors that I have spoken to have had relationships with friends and family breakdown after their injury. And I’m sure most people who say that it’s times like this that people should be pulling together, not drifting apart. So, these people are immoral, bad people, right? Wrong.

If you are a survivor who has suffered an experience like this, stay with me. Believe me; I do understand what this feels like and how hurtful it is. I have been through a similar situation myself with someone who was/is very important to me. But as I have mended that relationship, which took several painful years, I have the benefit of hindsight that I can share with you. I wrote about this situation before on my blog in Added injustice following a brain injury, half of which was written whilst we were still in the middle of this uncomfortable mess, before moving on to an update about how we reconciled. Reading it back now does bring back a lot of emotions for me. It’s interesting because it sounds just like so many other brain injury survivors’ stories. Yes, we do try to be fair and accept the stress is difficult for the people around us, but we’re still bitter about feeling abandoned.

There are so many stress factors that are straining these relationships. Whilst it might give us some relief to apportion blame, it’s not actually constructive. What we need to keep in mind is the statement “those who care about us will be there in a crisis” is just a belief, not a fact. Life is full of choices and consequences. Some of these decisions are difficult to make, but everyone has to make choices, even those that leave us with a heavy heart. It might well be that some of the stresses they are being weighed down by are having negative effects in other areas of their lives that others haven’t seen. It could be having a knock-on effect on children, careers, finances, just to name a few.

On a recent trip to Jersey, I was reminded what these painful decisions can look like. During WW2, Winston Churchill had many discussions with the Royal Navy about the defence of the channel isles. Ultimately, they convinced him that their resources were needed elsewhere, even though he passionately wanted to defend them. I can’t begin to imagine how abandoned and let down the islanders must have felt. Did Churchill make the right decision? That’s not for me to judge, but what this event demonstrates is sometimes the “greater good” can mean we have to do things that we don’t actually want to do. Even after the war ended, it took many months for Great Britain to retake the islands and things to resettle. Today, whilst Jersey has its own government, it’s still proud to be a part of the British Isles. Now that is the ultimate forgiveness, don’t you think?

In short, what I’m trying to say is let your anger at them go. Put the voodoo doll away, stop searching for all the embarrassing photos you have of them that you planned on posting on social media and definitely don’t sign them up for loads of annoying spam emails. No judgement, these are half baked plans I had once too. But because I managed to forgive, instead it left the door open for reconciliation. And if it never comes, you’ll feel better anyway because holding onto those emotions only hurts you, not them.

via Breakdown of relationships after a brain injury

[BLOG POST] Why do people act differently towards a person after their TBI?

Why do people act differently towards a person after their TBI?

Why do people act differently towards a person after a TBI? Many times, it’s because they can’t handle the truth!

By Bill Herrin

After a traumatic brain injury, acceptance is one of the first steps toward recovery…even if recovery is a long way off. When you evaluate your own personal situation and work to be content within your life’s new parameters – that is basically acceptance. Although TBI can make a huge change in a survivor’s behavior, patience, temper, attitudes, etc. – it also can cause a huge change in the people around us – and in how they act toward us. The fact is that people may not be able to handle the truth because the truth they’re facing is that you’ve changed. You’re still the same person that they know and love, but it’s the adapting part that is awkward for them (which, in turn, makes it awkward for you, too). Brain injury not only affects the TBI survivor, but it affects everyone in their life. This is one of the parts of TBI that can bring misunderstandings, judgment, and often, isolation…the truth is hard to handle for family and friends. Why? Because they don’t want to upset you, or possibly just don’t know what to say. Often, it’s no more complicated than that.

Workarounds, ideas, and other solutions

The following excerpts are from Lash & Associates tip card titled “Coping with Survival After Brain Injury.”

Brain injury has an odd way of attacking your self-esteem and self-confidence. Maybe you used to consider yourself brilliant, attractive,
handsome, beautiful and just wonderful. Brain injury has a way of landing right on your self-confidence center. Your worth as a person – both before and after your brain injury – is about more than how well you can do this or that. Don’t think of yourself as less of a person since your brain injury because of all the things you can’t do. Look at the love and warmth that you can share. Others may value you for the contents of your soul.*

With that said, how you think about your situation and approach to life could improve – despite how others may acttoward you? Here are a few more great bits of advice from the tip card titled “Coping with Survival After Brain Injury.” You’ll find that acceptance takes the focus off complaining, of fault-finding of others, and will make you see things in a more meaningful and positive light.*

For example, You can moan, groan, complain, be angry, and spend your time asking WHY did this happen to me? You can be angry at whoever and however, it happened. Be angry on a daily basis. Drink and do drugs to escape…OR you can acknowledge and accept that it happened. You certainly don’t have to like it or be happy about it, but acknowledge that it happened and move forward. Do the best you can with whatever you can. Work on getting to your “New Normal” which isn’t going to be the same as your “Old Normal.”*

If you ask yourself, whether you are religious or not, “Why did God do this to me?” – maybe instead, take the approach of asking yourself, “I was saved for some reason, what is it?”*

You may figure that you have enough of your own problems to deal with and avoid helping others – OR you could work to prevent brain injuries. Tell people your story in the hopes that they won’t have to walk down this road.*

If you let your anger and sadness spill throughout your life, and you take it out on those around you-you could (instead) be sad, but acknowledge that you aren’t the same as you used to be. Meet new people who may understand some of your challenges.*

 

Do you see the sharp contrast in thinking and the approach here? One approach is wallowing in self-pity, and the other changes the focus to living life to the utmost, loving people despite how they may act, and hopefully inspiring others that are also survivors. When you feel angry or sad that your “terrible family or friends” are not loyal, or may not come to visit you enough – look at the other side of the coin – maybe your partner / husband / wife / parents / kids / siblings / other friends stand by you, thank them sincerely and deeply for their loyalty, love and commitment. They didn’t ask for this any more than you did!*

*(Reference: From the Lash & Associates tip card titled “Coping with Survival After Brain Injury,” by John W. Richards, MBA, MSW, Survivor.)

 

Coping becomes Hoping

When it comes to family and friends’ emotional reactions to your TBI, there are some things to keep in mind. When an individual has a brain injury, most families go through the entire range of emotions. There is fear, anger, hope, despair, and even joy at times. These emotions are often seen as negative (fear, despair, anger) or positive (joy and hope). Each emotion affects how a family member acts and responds to others. Try to use your emotions effectively rather than allowing them to control or overwhelm you.**

You may have felt like you were on a roller coaster of emotions soon after the brain injury occurred. Every day there were unfamiliar terms, complicated medical information and difficult questions that often could not be answered. Your emotions may change over time but they continue to be powerful feelings. Every member of your family may feel a wide range of emotions. Some may be similar to yours; others may be different. All emotions need to be respected. It’s important to let everyone in your family know that it’s okay to feel angry, afraid, sad, helpless, and overwhelmed. It’s what you do with these emotions that matter.**

One of the hardest things to realize when you’ve been through huge life changes after TBI is that negative emotions, anger, sadness, and fear can be negative and destructive. But without them, you would lose valuable energy and perspective. They can help you not only survive, but thrive in the aftermath of a brain injury to you, or a member of your family. Imagine that! The takeaway from negative fear, sadness, anger, etc., is that it motivates you to improve your attitudes – and the result will be an overall improvement of your outlook on life, despite any setbacks.**

 

Handling Emotions When People Act Differently After a TBI

In closing, here is a small, but important checklist that could offer some “life hacks” to get on the right track, and away from feeling bad 
about your situation…this is only a small list, and there could certainly be more added – but in the interest of time, these are good to start off with.

Tips for handling your emotions…

✓ Stay in the moment.

Rather than wishing for the moment to pass, ask yourself what exactly this moment is about.**

✓ Allow emotions to subside or quiet.

Instead of trying to hold onto an emotion, be aware when it lessens. Notice the emotion that replaces it. Why this emotion now? What triggered it? How can it help you?**

✓ Review and reflect.

Keep a journal of your different emotions and experiences. It is often easier to understand your feelings after some time has passed. Reading your journal days, weeks, months or even years later gives you a different outlook. This can help you understand what you were feeling and why. Review and reflection can help you use your emotions effectively or change them.**

✓ Find someone you trust.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by an emotion, share it with someone you trust. Ask for the person’s views and ideas. By sharing the emotion, you will find it more manageable and less overwhelming.**

✓ Consider the opposite emotion.

Sometimes an emotion can block you from taking action or it may prevent you from getting action from someone else. When this happens, try choosing the opposite emotion and ask yourself what you’d do if you felt that way instead. For example, if you are feeling angry but need to make a request, ask yourself, “How would I say this if I were feeling warmly towards this person?”**

**Excerpted from “Emotions – Hope after brain injury”, by Ann V. Deaton, Ph.D.

 

Final Thoughts

The takeaway (hopefully) is that working on acceptance of your new life, and then working through your feelings (about yourself and others’ actions toward you) will bring positive change to everyone involved. Life is precious, and sometimes people just need time to sort things out – either as a TBI survivor or as the friend or loved one of a TBI survivor. Make the most of each day. Progress comes in different forms, different levels, and sometimes it’s elusive – but hope springs eternal. Choose hope.

Lash & Associates offers lots of books and products for the TBI Community, click here to see our monthly specials!
Or, click here to see our entire store

via https://www.lapublishing.com/blog/2018/people-act-differently-tbi/

[SLIDE SHOW] The Invisible Effects of Stroke – PDF File

The Invisible Effects of Stroke

By Nicole Walmsley

Overview

The objective is to:
1. identify four common invisible effects of a stroke
2. demonstrate how nursing staff can identify these on an
acute stroke unit

Download the PDF File

[BLOG POST] Common Epilepsy Triggers – Epilepsy Talk