[BLOG POST] Comparison, the Thief of Joy

by Veronique Theberge

Comparison between people, aptitudes, skills, etc is a concept that most of us would be familiar with. Of late, I’ve been spending time assessing how the ongoing comparison between the old and new me since encephalitis and acquired brain injury may be affecting my overall happiness and recovery.

The changes in lifestyle, in physical and cognitive abilities and in energy levels has been pretty drastic and to be perfectly honest quite a bumpy ride too. Comparison is no longer between what others can achieve versus where I stand, but between where I used to sit versus what my new reality allows for now. On more than one occasion, this has been really disheartening. It has affected all spheres of my life and comparison reached an all time high on a personal, professional and social level.

Has comparison between and old me and new me been a thief of joy? Absolutely.

As I’m taking a step back to write this blog, I’m thinking about some of the words that I used, about comparisons that I have made between the old and new me, and I can see clear as day how so many of those comparisons would have been harmful. I can see how they would have detracted me from achieving a state of happiness. I can say in all honesty that comparison between the old and new me has triggered several negative thoughts.

Social comparison

Attending social events following a brain injury is not an easy undertaking and I have avoided a fair share of them over the years. One would think that by not attending an event that there would be less ground for comparison, but I found that to be quite the opposite. In fact, I found it has heightened social comparison.

FOMO is a real thing and digital technologies do not let you get away with much unseen unfortunately. It has often made me aware of the immense gap between the number & type of event that I can manage compared to everyone else. When I have put myself out there, it’s often highlighted my newly acquired challenges and the ways in which I have adapt in order to survive the simplest of gathering. Those few examples describe really well how social comparison may have had a negative impact on my overall recovery and wellbeing.

Professional comparison

In the early days of recovery I was extremely lucky to have the support of a stellar employer. They were amazing! We settled on a return to work schedule that catered for my health challenges and we amended the plan as recovery went on. However, limited time in the office and reduced cognitive abilities meant that in order to see some projects come to fruition, some tasks and responsibilities had to be dispatched amongst other colleagues. I understood the reasoning for this, but it felt unfair. It felt unfair that a brain inflammation and its resulting brain injury robbed me of some of my professional aspirations. It highlighted, once again, some of my shortfalls. I started perceiving injustice in my professional life and the culprit was for the most part the new me and its ongoing limitations. I remember all too well comparing my cognitive aptitudes, productivity and the state of my executive functioning between the old and new me…and for the most part, I did not like the state of it one bit!

Personal comparison

With managing limitations left and right and learning to live life as the new me, it didn’t take long for the negative to outweigh the positive between the old and new me. I was more times than not pretty disappointed with the massively scaled down version of the old me. I’ll go as far as saying that at times, I hated this new me. Unsurprisingly, this sort of internal dialogue and belief lead me to think that I was failing all the times. It felt as though I was falling short on so many fronts. Looking back, I realise how harsh and unkind I was to this new version of me which was in reality working harder than ever.

How could the reflection of the person in the mirror be the same yet FEEL so different? Comparison was truly the thief of joy but at the centre of it all were two different versions of ME that I could simply not reconcile.

As I’m reading and reviewing this blog , I so wish that I could have told that person in the mirror something – ANYTHING – to have her believe that things will be ok in the end. That rediscovering and healing myself will happen, but that it will take time and occur in many shapes and sizes. The thing is, I’m not sure that I would have believed then what I know now anyway.

If you are stuck in this exact phase of your recovery, I won’t sit here pretending that getting to know and appreciate the new you will be easy. I get you, I understand the frustrations, I understand the complexity of the challenges that you are faced with and all their associated emotions. I truly feel for you and above all, I wish I had a magic wand to fast track this process ten-fold. I think it’s a journey and that at some stage we come to realise that we have to trust the process.

Tips to manage comparisons

Below are a few ideas that I’ve come across in an article from Psychology Today* that I’m thinking may help you manage some of the harmful comparisons between the old and new version of yourself following brain injury:

1. Recognize that you’re likely using an unrealistic target when evaluating yourself and adjust accordingly.

2. Consider what you’re trying to achieve when making a comparison.

3. If comparisons have you feeling down, spend some time thinking about positives: how much a skill has improved over time, how much worse a situation could be than it is in reality, or others who may see you as a role model right now.

We have to remember that comparisons can go both ways. Finding ways to use comparisons in a positive way can actually be helpful. Again, I’m not saying that it’s easy, but with the right mindset, we can gradually start turning things around.

Final words on comparison

So next time when I ask myself if comparison between and old me and new me has been a thief of joy, I think I’ll tweak my answer in the following way…Yes of some of my joys, but time has been my ally. As the new me started finding its place and purpose, I discovered so much about myself and this definitely translated into growth that would have never come about otherwise. Trust that somewhere along the way, you will start embracing the new you and that comparisons between the old and new you will fade away.

*https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/multiple-choice/201903/is-comparison-really-the-thief-joy

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[BLOG POST] Sound the Foghorn

I realised very quickly following encephalitis and acquired brain injury that cognition encompass of many aspects such as memory, concentration, attention, processing speed, problem solving, thinking processes and of how a brain injury can easily disrupt the very fragile equilibrium under which it operates. All those aspects of cognition rarely operate as a standalone process either. They continuously bounce off each other and rely on one another for us to make sense of the life that unravels in front of our eyes every day. But what happens when brain fog creeps its way in?

At times, I literally feel the brain fog creeping in. It’s as if all aspects of cognition start to deteriorate one by one right in front of my eyes. I always find this heartbreaking. It feels awful and can often drag me down physically and mentally too.

What is Brain Fog?

Firstly, I think it’s important to mention that you don’t need to have a brain injury to experience brain fog. Brain fog can indeed be experienced by many of us. Some of the root cause of brain fog can include hormonal changes, lack of sleep, food sensitivities and depression. However, it’s also important to note that brain fog linked to brain injury slightly differs from other common causes of brain fog.

Following a brain injury, inflammation, bruising and damage can disrupt how the brain functions. In order to get from point A to B, an input may now need to go through a series of detours which can in turn slow down the transfer and processing of information. When old pathways can no longer be accessed, your brain will re-route the information either by using other existing pathways which role differ from the original ones or by creating new pathways. In either case, this tends to tire the brain quite quickly. Other times, a pathway will keep working overtime…as if there is no on/off switch. The effect of having a part of the brain working even when not required will result in the same effect which is, the brain will tire more quickly than it should. That’s often when people recovering from a brain injury will experience concentration difficulties, slow thinking, trouble remembering stuff, struggle to process information and so on. If you are or know of a person recovering from brain injury, that’s when you may have heard them use the term brain fog to describe what they are experiencing.

Commonly, people can describe it as being stuck in a think fog, as a dark cloud coming over them, feeling fuzzy, feeling as though they are there but not quite there or that their brain struggles to keep with what’s happening around them.

People recovering from brain injury rarely experience brain fog on its own. Their brain fog can be triggered by another symptom such as fatigue or a headache, but they can also occur concurrently with a range of other symptoms. These can include: memory loss, visual disturbances, depression/anxiety, dizziness, nausea, physical pain, hormonal disorders and as previously mentioned fatigue and headaches. The brain energy spent on trying to manage those other symptoms means that the energy tank drains at a much quicker rate and that the brain energy available to run the cognitive functions is now being used to try to manage other symptoms. That’s when brain fog can significantly affect a person’s cognitive functions.

Tips for brain fog

In order to help reduce brain fog when recovering from a brain injury, we really need to look at the brain fog itself, but also at the concurrent symptoms as alleviating those may help reduce the severity of the brain fog experienced. As a rule of thumb, the following areas can trigger or increase the severity of some of your symptoms so it’s worth exploring which part of your lifestyle could be tweaked:

• Sleep hygiene: Having good sleep routine (avoiding overstimulation, consistent bed time, 7-8 hours sleep, eliminating blue lights, avoiding caffeinated drinks, avoiding strenuous exercise when close to bed time, etc.)
• Nutrition: Many research claim the benefit of Mediterranean diet to reduce inflammation, so this may be something to explore. If shopping triggers some of your symptoms, you may need to think of ways in which you can tweak your shopping habits (e.g.: online shopping, off-peak shopping time, etc.)
• Exercise: Regular exercise has clear benefits on a person’s health. Exercise allows for oxygen-rich blood to reach the brain and regulate the production of chemicals that can assist healing. Remember to exercise at levels that aren’t increasing your symptoms else it is counter-productive and can have the opposite effect i.e. increase your brain fog. This may mean opting for a gentle walk one day and for a higher intensity form of exercise on a day where your symptoms allow for it.
• Medication: Some medication can help clear the brain fog temporarily, but as they wear off, they can cause you to crash. On other hand, some medication can trigger brain fog as well so if you are on medication, talk to your GP to find out how they could be a contributing factor.
• Relaxation: There are several relaxation techniques out there that can help reduce stress and consequently help calm your nervous system. Explore several of those techniques and see which ones tend to work better for you. Examples include deep breathing exercises, visualization, meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, mindfulness, listening to music or using the creative part of your brain. Once you find something that works for you, try to incorporate them in your daily routine.

You don’t have to implement these tips all at once. Doing it gradually can be a more realistic and sustainable approach. If you come out remembering one tip from this blog, please let it be not to push through your brain fog. Brain fog is likely to creep in once you’ve gone above your current limits so it’s important to stop and take five. Those limits will move in time, but by pushing through, you are likely to increase your brain injury symptoms and experience those dreadful set-backs. Stop what you are doing, take a little break, try one of your relaxing technique or have a rest. Try some of those tips and be consistent in your approach, hopefully it can translate in an improvement of your overall health.

• encephalitis survivor,
• acquired brain injury,
• Anxiety,
• Brain injury,
• depression,
• encephalitis,
• encephalitis awareness,
• encephalitis recovery,
• Fatigue Management,
• Healing,
• Brain fog,

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[BLOG POST] Driving After Brain Injury

Following encephalitis and acquired brain injury, driving has been a very tricky thing to reintroduce into the mix. In the early days of recovery, my vision problems played a big role in my decision to simply not attempt to get behind the wheel. My vision could be blurry, full of black spots, at times I would lose my peripheral vision, I’d struggle to refocus and I’d often had what I call delayed vision. Vision obviously plays a big role with driving, but I also discovered that other factors were to be considered. My reaction time was greatly reduced so I was mindful that all my reflexes were far from being optimized. Driving is also one of the most cognitively demanding exercise. It requires a huge amount of concentration, attention, and multi-tasking. In normal circumstances, much of the multi-tasking used to happened instinctively for me, but following brain injury, I discovered that it was no longer the case.

Whilst taking into account all these reasons, my partner and I made the decision for me not to drive in the early stage of recovery. I’d walk or bike places, I’d be driven places or simply stay home. Having a young family, driving meant that I’d typically carry a very special cargo with me and we established that it simply wasn’t worth the risk. Risking getting myself injured was one thing, but risking others being injured wasn’t something that bode well with me. With me not driving came a HUGE loss of independence and it made the family daily routine quite tricky. The weeks had to be planned down to a tee to figure out who/how we’d get the kids to their after school activities, who/how I’d get myself to appointments, do the groceries and so on. It was all very limiting and highly frustrating.

As months went by, I was slowly starting to regain some brain capacity and some of the residual effects were lessened or not “showing up” as frequently so we started to introduce short distance drives within a 5km radius, then 10km radius and so on.

Even then though, I’d base my decision to drive on the amount of brain energy available at that particular point in time. I soon discovered that I could get to a specific place ok, but that completing an additional task (e.g. grocery shopping) meant that I was using up a lot of my brain energy. Therefore, I didn’t always have the brain capacity to drive back safely. That lead to several hard to managed scenarios. How do I then get back? If I get picked up, how do we bring the car back and so on. So after a few trials, we put driving places that included additional cognitively demanding tasks on ice for a while longer. To manage this limitation, I’d grab rides into town with friends & I started doing pretty much all of my shopping online (so lucky to have that option nowadays). I almost always found a way to get out and about, but that loss of independence was another loss I had to learn to accept and manage on top of everything else. It had a negative impact on my sense of self-worth, my feeling of accomplishment and so much more! I knew I was making the right decision, but it also triggered lots of mixed feelings.

Years have now passed since the original brain insult, but driving remains an activity that isn’t considered lightly. Sometimes, I’ll find myself napping in the car before coming back home, some days I’ll postpone a trip into town for another time, I’m still planning my weeks around when/where I may have to drive, driving distances are still managed very carefully and I’ll still grab rides when possible. Every now and again, I still need to be rescued and I’m still avoiding driving at night as if my life depends on it…because it probably does.

It’s really hard to explain to others what this delayed vision feels like. But I hope the following photos give you a bit on an insight as to how the world truly appears to me when the brain slows down and stops processing things normally. It is always pretty scary when it happens and I think you’ll agree with me saying that driving therefore not always an option.

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